IT’S FOR THE CHILLLDDDRREENNN!! No, really, it’s for a child..a family, really.

The Hogelands (a family in my hometown) were adopting 2 HIV+ girls. They raised the funds to go the first time with intentions of bringing both home, but due to a change in the country’s laws at the very last minute, they were forced to leave one behind. Their other daughter, “V”, had to watch her mama and sister leave without her. They are now having to start back over at square one to raise the funds to go BACK and get V. If you can help, please do. If you cannot, then just–PLEASE–share so that someone else can. They are running short on time. Please and thank you.

HERE IS THE LINK, GO, READ, WATCH THE VIDEO, DONATE, OR–AT LEAST–SHARE (will open in new window):

BRING HOME V

From Kate Hogeland’s blog:

“If you have followed our family’s journey you will know that this is not where we expected to be right now.  My  husband and I went to Eastern Europe to adopt two little girls. In the midst of the process the country we were going to changed their laws.  Children under 5 could no longer be adopted internationally unless they have certain special needs.  Our little ones have HIV, but this is not considered a special need.

We waited and waited hoping the law would be changed to include HIV. However, eventually we had to go ahead and go over for one of our girls because our dossier was expiring and she was aging out of her orphanage soon.  So we went in January of 2012 still hoping that while we were in country the law would be changed.

It wasn’t.

So we got to meet our other little one which was wonderful and excruciating.  She is precious and beautiful and sweet.  We couldn’t spend much time with her but we did see her a good bit.  We watched her preform in a Christmas program.  Several times she held my hand.  On many occasions she brought me her coat and shoes and would say, “Mama, help?”  When we finally walked out of the orphanage with our daughter Eva Marina, “V” stood at the top of the stairs and watched us walk out.  Seeing her up there, and leaving her behind made an emotional day almost more than I could handle.

Our girls are not blood relatives, but they were in the same groupa and were good friends.  Eva Marina has asked about V several times.  She loves to look at her pictures.  It would be so amazing for both of them to get to grow up together.

We knew we would go back for V.  The hard part is starting over so soon after coming home.  And the cost of adopting 2 kids at once is not much more than 1, but now we start almost all over.  Some costs will be less, but we start fundraising all over again.  But now, we have a newly adopted daughter at home who doesn’t do well with too much stimulation and can’t be left for hours on end.

I raised several thousand dollars doing hair cuts last time. I would work for 8 hours a day doing cuts non stop.  Now I can not do that.  Planning events to raise funds has also proved difficult while in the adjustment with our newest little one.  I just can’t find time for everything I need to do.

I am almost paralyzed with fear about the daunting financial aspect of doing this again.  But V is worth it.  I have Hope.  I am terrified but moving forward.

So, here we go again. I hope you will join us on our journey back to our other precious child!”

I mean, REALLY, how can you not share?

Cue Panic, Chaos, Confusion

Last I noticed, the kids were holding hands and dancing in the kitchen, directly in front of my open door. Unbeknownst to me, while I was Facebooking, the son acquired a screwdriver (Stop it. I know you are judging me. Stop.). Next thing I know, son runs toward something and stabs it. After a loud popping sound, Sugar screams, “You stabbed a hole in it!!” I see a cloud of something that looks like smoke…maybe aerosol something or other being sprayed. I jump up and run towards the cloud, screaming, “Get away from it! GET AWAAAYYY FROM ITTTT!!!! “…I don’t know what, exactly, I think is about to happen. Surely, it’s going to explode or something. The kids are inhaling toxic fumes of a substance not-yet identified!! It’s probably blinding them right now! Oh, GOD! It’s going to EXXXPPLLOOODDDEEE! RUN!!!!

So, as I approach the exploding aerosol can of toxic substance, I nearly bust my ass and get sprayed in the face by this stuff! I’m going to be blind, too! We’re all going to be BLIIINNNDD! I finally see the bottle of the deadly, blinding gas…

 

 

 

 

/areyoukiddingme

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s sprite.
/dead

First World Problems of a SAHM

First World Problems Of A Stay At Home Mom

• I woke up 2 hrs before the kids. I wasted quality sleep.
• I’m out of caffeine.
• The children expect to be fed at least 3 times a day.

• I am running late for something, as usual.
• WHERE IS YOUR OTHER SHOE?!
• I can’t find the DVR remote. How am I going to do anything if I don’t have SpongeBob on demand to occupy the children?
• The baby took off her diaper in her crib at nap time. She had pooped.
• Laundry

• I just poured the kids’ cereal, only to discover that I’m out of milk.
• I have to go grocery shopping…with the children.
• Another toy is clogging the toilet, yet someone pooped in it anyway.
• I woke up later than the toddlers. They found my craft drawer.
• Why must I listen to the kids fight over which one gets which color cup?!
• The baby is poopy. DAMN IT! I’m out of diapers.
• The parents in McDonald’s play area keep trying to talk to me about their kids.

• I forgot to lay out dinner.
• Hubby didn’t take out the trash. It’s full and the trash can is by the road.
• Someone colored on my couch.
• My corkscrew is missing.
• There is nothing interesting to read on the interwebz.

• I have a stomach virus.
• The children have a stomach virus.
• I’m out of wine.
• The kids finally learned to open the doors on their own.
• Baby gates are no longer effective.

(These are not necessarily all mine. I compiled the list from other SAHMs, as well.)

Tell me yours and I might add them to the list!

*Disclaimer: I am very well aware that I did not create the “First World Problems” meme. Not claiming to, either. There are a lot of FWP of SAHM posts out there. Just clarifying.

When two people love each other very, very much..they make a baby. Or two.

I know I have been MIA again lately, but..nothing. I have no excuses. Well, I have one..sort of. I intended on this being a light-hearted and somewhat humorous blog (which is why the last post is gone..too much dramaz!), and the truth is: I don’t think I’m all that funny that often. Others tend to agree. In fact, my younger sister told me that the first time my dad read this blog, he said something along the lines of, “Huh. I didn’t know she could be funny.” Thanks, dad.

Annnnyway, I have a lot on my plate right now. Some of it is so top secret that my husband won’t let me even talk about it yet. If those who knew me did not know that I wrote this, it wouldn’t matter. BUT, I have friends who know and like to use my name when leaving comments or writing on the facebook wall. Thanks, guys! 😉 Now that I have gone off on another ADHD tangent, I’ll try to get back to what I was saying.

Ahem. I have a lot on my plate right now. I know they say that opposites attract, but that isn’t always the case. It isn’t in MY case. Aside from politics (SO not going there), my husband and I are pretty similar. We have a similar sense of humor, we like the same music, we were raised with most of the same values..I could go on. We also both suffered from anxiety as children (I still do) and both have pretty severe cases of ADHD. Apparently, when two people like us procreate, they end up with one child with such severe anxiety that she no longer wants to leave the house, and another who will ask you the same question 152 times and still say “What?” each time you answer with the exact same answer..all because there is something shiny in his peripheral prohibiting him from processing that answer.

Right now, the only time The Samurai’s issue is REALLY difficult for me to deal with, is when I tell him to go pee after catching him doing the I Need To Potty dance and he comes back soaking wet because, on the way to the bathroom,  he turned into Spiderman and his spidey-sense led him to another room where he had to hurry and defeat some bad guys before he turned into a transformer and had to save the world from a tyrannosaurus rex and OH, LOOK..shiny object!!!

My Sugar Boog’s anxiety is a bit more troubling. It is awful for her and, pretty much, for the rest of us, too. Even if it didn’t feel like a knife through my heart every time I had to watch her shake, scream, and cry in fear, it would still be difficult. If I don’t put her in the cart when we are shopping, she holds onto my jacket or pants so tight that it’s hard to move. If I do put her in the cart, she has a meltdown anytime my hands are not on the cart..even if I am staring at her. Do you know how hard it is to shop without being able to remove your hands from the cart? It is Pretty. Damned. Hard. She constantly reminds me that I “have 2 little children and you might lose them if you don’t hold onto the buggy!” Thank you, Sugar. I almost forgot that I spent months in agonizing pain before delivering each of you. She can’t help it, though. She says she knows I would never lose her, but she can’t make her brain stop thinking that I will. Oddly, while that really doesn’t make sense, I know exactly what she means. So, yeah, right now, her main fear is–getting lost. Her other fears: being locked in the car or other small areas (like bathroom stalls), being left at home by herself, and lastly–she is terrified that one of her parents will be put in jail. Reading that, you are probably wondering what the hell kind of parents we are to cause her to worry about those things. Really, it’s nothing we have done. She has never been lost (she has thought she was, when we were actually standing no more than a foot behind her), I have never locked her in the car or left her there alone, I have never left her home alone, and I’ve never even gotten a speeding or other traffic violation citation before! I’ve never even been pulled over for a busted tail light or anything. While I’m not 100% sure where her other fears originated, I DO actually know where her fear of police putting her parents in jail comes from. She told me. It came from “that baby show you were watching where those parents went to jail” (DON’T JUDGE ME!). F#CKING JENELLE AND KIEFFER!! It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have been watching my guilty-pleasure show in front of the kids. I tried to turn it off, but Sugar wanted to look at the babies. I didn’t know this would be the outcome. /facepalm

Sugar hasn’t had any major episodes like this is a long time. It has probably been at least 4-6 months.This one is by far the most crippling. She just doesn’t want to leave the house, nor does she want anyone else to leave the house. She tells me bye, that she loves me, and reminds me to pick her up 538 times before she will walk into the school each morning and her teachers say she recently started having meltdowns there. Tuesday, she had 4-5 inconsolable meltdowns while there. Makes me really want to pull her out of school. It’s just pre-k anyway, right? Anyway, right now, she is at my mom’s. They had their Christmas get together with my grandmother yesterday and I didn’t want them to have to miss it just because I did. I was terribly worried about how she would do, but she is doing surprisingly well. My mom says the only meltdowns she has are when they are in the car. She doesn’t want my mom to get out until Sugar is unbuckled–so she can ensure that she will not be left in the car.

We have an appointment with a psychiatrist at the end of January. I made sure to be put on the call list in case of any spots opening sooner due to cancellations. Until then, I am instructed to pretty much do what I can, within reason, to appease her. If she doesn’t want to leave to have a playdate at her friend’s house, she doesn’t have to. If she doesn’t want to accompany me to the grocery store and another option is available (staying with her father), we will go with the other option. We’ll do this until we are told otherwise (IF they tell us otherwise) at her psychiatrist appointment. It might be a long road, but we are going to do everything we can before resorting to medications. In the end, though, if medication is needed to make my sweet girl feel safe and not constantly terrified, medication it is. I just want her to feel safe and secure again!

Alright, enough rambling, too little cleaning. My house is a disaster and I’m about to go all Cracked-Out 50’s Housewife Who Also Suffers From OCD on this bitch. It needs it. Bad.

P.S.
I just realized that I thanked people a lot in this post. Ha! Guess I was feeling thankful. I’m so nice.

Toddlers aren’t really "my thing"..

I have decided that I’m not a huge fan of toddlers. Many of them don’t talk, they hit, they cannot wipe their own asses, they have no understanding of the word “no”, they are messy eaters, they are just messy in general, they hate nap time more than any other age group.. oh, and, they bite. Don’t get me wrong, I love toddlers. I just do not always like them. I used to. I used to see a kid aged 4 or under, and immediately wish I could pick it up…without seeming creepy, of course. Now, I keep toddlers in my house everyday. Now, they scare me.

The Hitter: Well.. she hits. All. Day. Long. My other kids are terrified of her. She cannot walk into the room without every kid in there bursting into tears, anticipating getting hit in the face with a car or other hard toy. I have tried redirecting, firmly saying no, time outs…she still hits. She can’t talk and some think that she hits because she doesnt know how else to communicate. Well, yeah, she is communicating loud and clear by hitting. She is saying, “I’m a tiny asshole!”


The Pooper: How many times can one kid shit in a day? Well, this kid goes at least 4 times in the short amount of time I have him. I’m not exaggerating. Everything goes STRAIGHT through him. I have a break from keeping him for a while since custody is split between his parents..and thank God. If I had to hear “I’m DONNNNEEEEE!!!” come out of his mouth one more time, I was going to lose it.

The Creeper: This kid creeps me out. He gives me evil glares and is never just.. nice. I try my damnedest to sweetly talk to him and play with him and I just get a cold, mean stare back and a, “NO.” He will also kung fu your ass in the face if you even attempt to get him to take a nap. He is completely relentless..he will cry until you finally say, “fuck it” and let him up. On top of everything else, his poop is rancid. I only keep him part-time, but I swear he saves up his shit for me. I can’t even double bag the diapers to keep the stench out. I keep a garbage can near me just in case I lose it and puke. RANCID.

The Manipulator: She is such a sweet child. She, however, has some serious, constant demands and follows them up with big puppy dog eyes and a “Pweeeze.” Nap time is a bitch with this one. She puckers up and pulls out all the stops. Makes you feel like shit for even considering making her nap. When you deny her requests, she drops to the floor and squalls.

The Baby: I have nothing negative to say. Best baby ever.

In conclusion, I’m an awful person.

Ewww, FREAK!

I haven’t posted much lately because I have been working on a few things.
Number 1: In-home Daycare. It deserves its own post, so I’ll get to that next.
Number 2: Adult Day Care

When my neighbor suggested opening an Adult Day Care, I still had THIS STORY  burnt into my brain and thought, “Ewww, FREAK!”

…And before I move on, let me just say–the person in that story with the REAL mental disability is the one taking care of the weirdo.
Anyway, she was actually talking about a place where the elderly go for care and socialization during the days when family members are working or just aren’t available to care for them. Whew!
After a lot of talking and researching, we decided to do it together. I never knew how much work goes into things like business plans. Holy shiz! When I’m not watching children and even during nap time, this is what I’m working on..phone calls, research, business plan, research, emails, and more research. I really hope my neighbor is better about staying on track with her ideas than I am. If its left to me, there will be a half written business plan or a half built building..I’ll half ass SOMETHING major.
Anyway, after a few weeks of all this, I’m not sure where it is going or if it is even going anywhere. Being a housewife just started sounding better and better. Still, that is one major thing that has been going on with me. It isn’t nearly as interesting as the adult baby story, so I’m going to touch on that with this picture that says EXACTLY how I feel about the freak. (F being PC, you know you are thinking the same damn thing.. F-R-E-A-K!)

Did I already say that I think he is a huge FREAK? Yeah, total f’ing freak.

Now, off to write my second post about how much I dislike children who didn’t come out of my vajizzle.. or, in my son’s case, out of a custom created hole in the area just below my belly button.

.

What was I thinking?

Beware: This is incredibly boring. I started writing it about 2 weeks ago, so I dated it for when I wrote it. Yeah, that’s how much time I get to actually write.

The lady who has a hard enough time wiping asses, cleaning up after children (and husband), and just maintaining a household in general..has decided to start watching kids in her home. I’m the lady. Today, I’m the lady with 7 kids all by myself. Those of you that choose to birth this many..baffle me. I wake up at 5 am, I take my medicines and go back to sleep for 15 minutes, I then get up and shower. At about 5:45, I get dressed and start straightening the house back up plus sweep..I do this the night before, but it’s always necessary again in the mornings. At 6:05ish, I make my kids and the early birds breakfast. The samurai is usually up by now and destroying my hard work. At 6:25 am, I take a deep breath, say a prayer to ask God to help me keep my sanity throughout the day, and then…I open the door. Shortly, lots of little feet are clonking around my den. Sugar gets up, I get her ready for school, and then, my neighbor-whom watches the kids with me (but is in hospital sick this week)-shows up and one of us runs my kids and hers to school.

We do breakfast, ass wiping, story time, outside play, snack, sneak into the liquor cabinet, activity time, quiet time, lunch, wipe an ass, nap, pull my hair out, more outside time, wipe ass, free play, and clean-up. Seriously, the amount of times I hear, “I’m through!!” from the bathroom..from ONE CHILD in particular…is ridic. As much as he shits, you’d think he could wipe himself by now. Another child is only here for 7hrs a week (2 days, 3.5ish hours each day), but I swear, it’s the only time he poops. It’s the “bring a trash can to the changing area because you might puke” type. Shoot me. He’s just not a nice..or cute.. kid either, so I think it makes it worse. Kids are like any other person: attractiveness can totally depend on personality. A not so cute kids can be adorable with the right attitude. Let’s face it, not all kids are cute. They just aren’t. I keep one (or two) of those kids.

By 6pm, most kids are gone and it’s time to really cleanup. I have to do the dishes, cook dinner, sweep, mop, vacuum, clean up the table, do the dinner dishes, and sanitize. Before I know it, it is 8:30. Kids go to bed, I get Gracey’s stuff ready for school, wash some clothes for the next day, cry, then pass out. Wake up at 5 am and start all over.

I don’t usually have 7 kids. In fact, after this week is over, I’ll only have 3 full time kids and one part time. Right now, school is out for Fall Break and I have a little boy who has only needed care for the last month. I kept him until 7:30 in the evening. Whew. Wears me out just thinking about doing it. That little boy is WILD and I hate to say it, but I won’t cry when he leaves. I can’t handle this many on a daily basis. I don’t know how long this lack of sleep can last, but it’s wearing on me. I promise to blog more, but it’s sleep or blog during nap time and sleep is usually the winner. Now, I must go. A kid needs wiping. Awesome!

Satire:

sat·ire   [sat-ahyuhr]
noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.

Please keep in mind, many of my posts are sarcastic. I do not actually think parents who harness are sick people. My children had Elmo and a monkey harness. I travel alone frequently and have 2 children very close in age. There was no way I could have survived without them. I can’t carry 2 children, I couldn’t fit my double stroller in the trunk with my luggage, and depending on 2 toddlers to hold my hands at all times..is unrealistic. I AM the mom who cares about “petty” things like safety and security over looks and others’ opinions. Go ahead, give me a nasty look. I’ll just tell my children to start barking at you and have the boy come piss on your leg. 😉

I can’t believe my sarcasm was taken so seriously by so many. Maybe I’ll start using the sarcasm/  and  /sarcasm tags.

Edited to add: I was not directing my post towards everyone who  dislikes harnessing for whatever reason, just those who judge other moms for using them and claim we are treating our children like dogs.

My kid ain’t no dang dog!!

When it comes to parenting, there are quite a few hot button issues. One of those issues is…are you ready for this?? HARNESSES. I have read a million and one of these debates and always end up mentally giving 75% of participants the Are You Really That Stupid?? look. Still, I have learned a LOT from these debates and I’m here to share it with you, bulletin style. Your welcome.

• Harnessing or leashing your child is treating your child like a dog. You know.. with care, love, and respect. It’s disgusting. People leash their dogs to give them freedom to walk while also keeping them safe and in a controlled environment. Children don’t need any of that. Strap them down to a chair with wheels, it’s clearly more humane.
• Parents that harness are terrible, sick people. They have no regard for image and only concern themselves with petty things, like safety. Wussies. If they had a single shred of self-respect for their child, they would remove the harness and allow the child to look like a decent human being. Seriously, there are more things to worry about than cars and kidnappers.
• Not only are these people not concerned at all with image, they also have no concern for discipline. If your child doesn’t walk beside you like a perfect angel or if he/she likes to slip his/her slippery, sweaty hand out of yours, you aren’t doing your job. You can TEACH them to stay beside you or to hold your hand at all times a few different ways: 

1. LEAVE. It doesn’t matter how much you paid for those Disney World tickets or how much it will suck to walk all the way back to the car when you were only a minute from where you were going, when they disobey and pull away or walk away–you LEAVE. The whole family should suffer until your little devil learns his lesson.
2. BEAT SOME ASS. ‘Nuff said. 
3. Natural consequences. This works for SO much and I use it for almost everything. Have I ever told you all about the time The Samurai electrocuted himself? He doesn’t play with the outlets anymore!! (Put the phone down, it was really just an accident.. don’t call CPS!) You know what else natural consequences works for? Running into the road. Kid runs into the road, kid gets hit, kid won’t run into the road again. I promise. Works for kidnapping, too. Ever heard of a kid being kidnapped twice? I haven’t. 

•  Most other safety devices are approved by most parents. This can be confusing. Cribs look like baby cages with the bars and all that, but they are fine. Same with playpens. Obviously, treating your child like a pet is fine..just not a pet dog. Strollers? Again, restraining your kid like a criminal or mentally unstable patient by strapping him to a chair with wheels is totally cool. Baby gates are fine, too. Pretty much anything and everything that allows your child to safely explore his or her surroundings is AWESOME, except leashes/harnesses.

Moral of the story: I do not care if your harness looks like this..

http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=undomhouse-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=B001AXF5EC&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr

unless you want to be one of those disgusting, safety-only concerned sissies, Do. NOT. Harness. Your. Child.