My kid ain’t no dang dog!!

31 Aug

When it comes to parenting, there are quite a few hot button issues. One of those issues is…are you ready for this?? HARNESSES. I have read a million and one of these debates and always end up mentally giving 75% of participants the Are You Really That Stupid?? look. Still, I have learned a LOT from these debates and I’m here to share it with you, bulletin style. Your welcome.

  • Harnessing or leashing your child is treating your child like a dog. You know.. with care, love, and respect. It’s disgusting. People leash their dogs to give them freedom to walk while also keeping them safe and in a controlled environment. Children don’t need any of that. Strap them down to a chair with wheels, it’s clearly more humane.
  • Parents that harness are terrible, sick people. They have no regard for image and only concern themselves with petty things, like safety. Wussies. If they had a single shred of self-respect for their child, they would remove the harness and allow the child to look like a decent human being. Seriously, there are more things to worry about than cars and kidnappers.
  • Not only are these people not concerned at all with image, they also have no concern for discipline. If your child doesn’t walk beside you like a perfect angel or if he/she likes to slip his/her slippery, sweaty hand out of yours, you aren’t doing your job. You can TEACH them to stay beside you or to hold your hand at all times a few different ways: 
    1. LEAVE. It doesn’t matter how much you paid for those Disney World tickets or how much it will suck to walk all the way back to the car when you were only a minute from where you were going, when they disobey and pull away or walk away–you LEAVE. The whole family should suffer until your little devil learns his lesson.
    2. BEAT SOME ASS. ‘Nuff said. 
    3. Natural consequences. This works for SO much and I use it for almost everything. Have I ever told you all about the time The Samurai electrocuted himself? He doesn’t play with the outlets anymore!! (Put the phone down, it was really just an accident.. don’t call CPS!) You know what else natural consequences works for? Running into the road. Kid runs into the road, kid gets hit, kid won’t run into the road again. I promise. Works for kidnapping, too. Ever heard of a kid being kidnapped twice? I haven’t. 

  •  Most other safety devices are approved by most parents. This can be confusing. Cribs look like baby cages with the bars and all that, but they are fine. Same with playpens. Obviously, treating your child like a pet is fine..just not a pet dog. Strollers? Again, restraining your kid like a criminal or mentally unstable patient by strapping him to a chair with wheels is totally cool. Baby gates are fine, too. Pretty much anything and everything that allows your child to safely explore his or her surroundings is AWESOME, except leashes/harnesses.

Moral of the story: I do not care if your harness looks like this..

unless you want to be one of those disgusting, safety-only concerned sissies, Do. NOT. Harness. Your. Child.

12 Responses to “My kid ain’t no dang dog!!”

  1. Emily Rose August 31, 2011 at 3:57 pm #

    I used to be against those, ya know…until I HAD a crazy kid! Kid on the autism spectrum + anywhere loud or busy = meltdown. We don't use one now, he's kind of too big for it, but I have learned that it is DEFINITELY okay. It is kind of funny/sad when you see people walking in the mall and their kid takes off and they yank on it as hard as they can and the kid goes flying backwards. But most of the time, I'm too busy with my own kid's issues to notice much anymore!

  2. Queen of the Couch August 31, 2011 at 5:06 pm #

    BAHAHAHAH!! Love this!

  3. Ama_La_Notte August 31, 2011 at 7:28 pm #

    Rotflmao šŸ™‚ I am now following!

  4. Meg September 2, 2011 at 1:02 pm #

    Great post! Found you on the BloggyMoms bloghop. My hubs feels the same way as you when it comes to harnessing.

  5. Frugal in WV September 2, 2011 at 2:06 pm #

    We don't harness our two boys, my husband can't stand them šŸ™‚ New follower from bloggy moms, look forward to your future posts! You can find me at

  6. Working Mommy September 3, 2011 at 3:07 pm #

    Darn me and my safety minded self…oh well, at least all of my downfalls will give the kids something to talk about in therapy later on in life.New follower :)WM

  7. sustahl September 11, 2011 at 9:31 pm #

    I harnessed my child because he was quicker than me AND he didn't like holding my hand. Once he started walking, I figured he may as well walk instead of being strapped in a stroller. I learned long ago not to judge other parents for a decision that won't hurt their children in the long run.

  8. Gidget September 12, 2011 at 6:30 am #

    I have had to have those arguments with people – I really don't understand why people think that it's their concern or not. Have they had to look for a child that routinely thinks that it is HILARIOUS to hide from mom in the clothes racks? Or who will talk to anyone within earshot – No? didn't think so. The moral of the story is – that unless you've walked a mile (or two or three) with your child, then they should keep their comments to themselves šŸ™‚ Awesome presentation, btw.Recent Post: Homeschool Online Resources for Games & Printouts

  9. Laura @ TheODDMom September 12, 2011 at 3:46 pm #

    Oh my goodness…that's hysterical. I used to be against them until my parents bought me one for my ADHD/ODD son and informed me that they used one on me when I was a kid. I don't think I turned out too bad, but you might want to ask my therapist.

  10. sweepyjean September 13, 2011 at 2:52 am #

    Really funny. But it's true. Who care what other people think? If it helps keep the child safe, that's what's more important.

  11. Becoming Supermommy September 21, 2011 at 8:16 pm #

    They suck, but they have their place.And that place is the arsenal of a Mother of Multiples when her children are mobile, but not good at following commands, when she's outnumbered, and when she absolutely has to take them out of the house for some reason.Case in point:

  12. October 10, 2011 at 1:00 pm #

    I was reading this post last week while in the airport while watching a father battle 2 bags of over-sized luggage, a huge double stroller with two infants and a small child who was harnessed. I had to smile and think…"How dare him harness his child! Surely the child should just do as told among the chaos of a completely unfamiliar place with an obviously overwhelmed dad!"Seriously, I don't have children…but if I did I wouldn't have any problem with a harness. Isn't life tough enough without having the consider what others think of your child-rearing choices?!

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