Oddly Comfortable With Myself..

I have spent the last 11 years or so trying to lose weight or “fix” my body in one way or another. Every year, I’d look at pictures of myself from the year before and I’d wish I still looked like that. In 2010, I was wishing I looked like I had in 2009. In 2011, I was wishing I looked like I had in 2010. I’d spend so much time on my scale and wishing I looked different, that I never appreciated how I looked at that time. I was never happy with myself.

I currently weigh about 10-15 lbs more than I did last summer; however, I weigh about 15 lbs less than I did 6 months ago. I started Abilify at the end of last summer and gained 30 lbs from mid-July til the end of October (when I quit taking the Abilify). Last year, when I first reached this weight–on my way UP in weight–I cried. This time–as my weight dropped back down to this weight, I am happy. I am comfortable.

I finally feel perfectly happy in the clothes that I wear. I know I could stand to lose a few pounds, but I don’t care. I am heavier than I have ever been naturally (meaning, not postpartum or due to medication), but I’m okay with that. My clothes fit fine, my husband thinks I look great (he’s an ass man, my weight gain works in his favor), and I don’t feel stressed. If my new medication makes me lose weight (common side effect), great. If I stay the same weight, great.

I still wear a bikini and don’t give a shit if some random person thinks I need to cover up. Too bad! I still wear shorts and dresses, and I have always hated my legs. It feels good to not hate them so much anymore.

One thing I do want to change, is my health. I eat crap food and should really start eating healthier. I’ll work on it. But, my focus is on getting healthy and gaining energy …maybe relieve myself of some of this constant brain fog. If I don’t lose an ounce, though, I won’t shed any tears.

I feel happier now and less stressed. My husband is happy with me and I’m happy with me, and that’s all that matters, right? Life is too short to stress about what everyone else thinks.

P.S.
I like Oreos.

P.S.S.
Abilify can suck it.

For my fellow military peoples!

Well, Hubby is getting out soon and I have this parachute cord lying around and have been trying to figure out what the hell to do with it. I finally found one thing..

Homecoming, anyone? It is now listed in my store and I am super excited about it! What do you think?

By the way, I am going to be posting more tomorrow about this whole getting-out-of-the-military-and-trying-to-move shit!

A little sum’n, sum’n for my peeps..plus an extra special something–an ADORABLE PICTURE OF MY NEPHEW!

How about some free shipping at Crochet.Rock.It ? For the next week (until next Sunday), you can use the code FREESHIP1 to get free shipping on your orders! Will that get anyone pumped enough to go buy some shit? Surely you know SOME little girl in need of something adorable?! Besides, if you check back later this week.. I am almost positive that I will have something available for baby boys.. I DO have an ADORABLE nephew, and he badly needs Auntie to crochet something for him. For realz.  Look at him.

He is the cutest thing, right? Well, I have to make him something, so moms of boys, be watching the shop (If I don’t get something boyish in there by Sunday, I’ll extend the coupon)! By the way, this sweet little wanna.eat.him.up munchkin  is going to be a big brother in November and I cannot wait! CROCHETED BABY EVERYTHING! It’s going to be a little Leela (or some other spelling of that name), I’m sure (she isn’t actually far enough along for us to know what it will be yet. Just trying to convince my sister that she should go with that name. Sugar picked it last time Sis#1 was pregnant, it has some sort of family significance on the dad’s side of the family, AND I can already imagine naming an entire line of crocheted baby girl somethings after her. IF it is another nephew, I will-OF COURSE-be just as freaking thrilled! I am just glad SOMEONE is continuing to have babies so I don’t have to hopelessly long for one. That little guy up there just melts me. I can’t stop smiling when he giggles or grins at me. Of course, my own children melt me still.. but there is nothing like those first baby belly laughs and toothless smiles! /sigh.

Anyway, go buy some shit. FREESHIP1 @ Crochet.Rock.It

OH! AND! Here is a preview of some of the things you can get in my store right now..

Sugar’s Beachies..

I am working on a separate blog for this stuff, but until then.. aren’t they adorable? I had to free write the pattern, so it took me a while to get them right, but I think I finally got it!  I’ve also got them listed for $18 in my store!  I am currently working on a black pair with hot-pink rose!

Baby Beachies! CrochetRockIt

Check out my baby toe-thongs in my new store at Etsy.com: CrochetRockIt!

They fit like this:

Damn you, medication!!

I have been MIA, in case you haven’t noticed. I’m going to be honest–I’m on a new medication. Apparently, along with ADHD and anxiety, I also have some depression issues. About a month ago, I started a new medication that has off label uses of treating depression and ADHD–2 birds, 1 stone, right? Not exactly, I still take a separate ADHD medication and a separate depression/anxiety medication, but this is in addition to those. Now, suddenly, I’m an almost normal, functioning adult! I get shit done! I have time management skills that I have never in my life had before now! Seriously! I mean, I’m not all clean-crazy or anything, but when I see dishes, I wash them. Our bathtub has been filled with buckets and painting supplies for, like, ever. I cleaned it out yesterday!

Just to give you an example: Two days ago, I did the dishes, cleaned off and wiped down the counter tops, wiped down the appliances, cooked lunch, ate lunch with the kids, cleaned up after lunch, hand washed the lunch dishes, and swept the floor..all in about 45 minutes. I know that may not be a huge deal to most, but it is absolutely unheard of in my world. Amazing.

I have also started crocheting. A lot. My fingers even hurt. I have started about 3058 projects and even finished a few. I am yarn crazy. It is official. Be warned, if you get a gift from me, it might be crocheted.. or packaged in a crocheted package. EVERYTHING WILL BE CROCHETED!

I’m going to try to post more again, but for now.. I think I hear little hands digging in my utensil drawer! Later!