Toddlers aren’t really "my thing"..

26 Oct

I have decided that I’m not a huge fan of toddlers. Many of them don’t talk, they hit, they cannot wipe their own asses, they have no understanding of the word “no”, they are messy eaters, they are just messy in general, they hate nap time more than any other age group.. oh, and, they bite. Don’t get me wrong, I love toddlers. I just do not always like them. I used to. I used to see a kid aged 4 or under, and immediately wish I could pick it up…without seeming creepy, of course. Now, I keep toddlers in my house everyday. Now, they scare me.

The Hitter: Well.. she hits. All. Day. Long. My other kids are terrified of her. She cannot walk into the room without every kid in there bursting into tears, anticipating getting hit in the face with a car or other hard toy. I have tried redirecting, firmly saying no, time outs…she still hits. She can’t talk and some think that she hits because she doesnt know how else to communicate. Well, yeah, she is communicating loud and clear by hitting. She is saying, “I’m a tiny asshole!”

The Pooper: How many times can one kid shit in a day? Well, this kid goes at least 4 times in the short amount of time I have him. I’m not exaggerating. Everything goes STRAIGHT through him. I have a break from keeping him for a while since custody is split between his parents..and thank God. If I had to hear “I’m DONNNNEEEEE!!!” come out of his mouth one more time, I was going to lose it.

The Creeper: This kid creeps me out. He gives me evil glares and is never just.. nice. I try my damnedest to sweetly talk to him and play with him and I just get a cold, mean stare back and a, “NO.” He will also kung fu your ass in the face if you even attempt to get him to take a nap. He is completely relentless..he will cry until you finally say, “fuck it” and let him up. On top of everything else, his poop is rancid. I only keep him part-time, but I swear he saves up his shit for me. I can’t even double bag the diapers to keep the stench out. I keep a garbage can near me just in case I lose it and puke. RANCID.

The Manipulator: She is such a sweet child. She, however, has some serious, constant demands and follows them up with big puppy dog eyes and a “Pweeeze.” Nap time is a bitch with this one. She puckers up and pulls out all the stops. Makes you feel like shit for even considering making her nap. When you deny her requests, she drops to the floor and squalls.

The Baby: I have nothing negative to say. Best baby ever.

In conclusion, I’m an awful person.


7 Responses to “Toddlers aren’t really "my thing"..”

  1. Michelle October 26, 2011 at 11:30 pm #

    I love toddlers….babies on the other hand…:)

  2. October 27, 2011 at 3:13 am #


  3. Kendra October 27, 2011 at 1:23 pm #

    not awful at all! I could never watch other's kids for repeated periods of time…. I would totally lose it. It's one thing if it's your OWN toddler…. Babies on the other hand I can deal with!!!!

  4. kimpugliano October 28, 2011 at 12:15 am #

    I'll tell you why you AREN'T awful – because I won't HAVE toddlers in my house. Stay the FUCK away unless you're related and I can tell your mom off when you act stupid.

  5. Chunky Mama October 28, 2011 at 12:27 am #

    I just sent a Tweet to someone today that said "Toddlers suck."And I was talking about my OWN KIDS.

  6. Lindsey October 28, 2011 at 3:08 am #

    haha i love this blog!!

  7. Ama_La_Notte November 8, 2011 at 3:48 am #

    Haha oh my! I have my hands full enough with two toddlers and another just entering toddler stage that are my own. I just hate other people's kids in general lmao. I awarded you with the Versatile Blogger award. Swing by my blog and check it our :)

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