Love Always, Your Concerned Wife

28 Feb

Last night, Undermedicated Housewife (my crazy side) came out during an argument. It started out as a discussion, but quickly escalated. Discussion to Argument Progression went something like this:

Political Story –> Politics In General –> Rick Sanctimoron –> Birth Control –> Vasectomies –> Undermedicated Housewife

Now, let me give you some back-story (in as few words as possible):

About 5 years and 3.5ish months ago, I was in a hospital bed thinking I was about to die. I was pregnant with my daughter and suffering from severe pre-eclampsia. I was being induced at 34 weeks because my blood pressure was through the roof. I can’t remember exact numbers, but on a scale of Kate Moss to Chris Farley, I was pretty close to a John Candy. Between the magnesium, blood pressure induced migraine, pitocin, and failed epidural…I was in the most severe pain of my life, and that is considering that I have had 2 spinal surgeries, 3 abdominal surgeries, 3 eye surgeries, and a couple of other surgeries. Seriously, I had never felt such pain…until it happened again.

Pregnancy number 2 was a disaster. My chances of having another run-in with pre-e were fairly low, but–you know–I am always one to beat the odds! Around 25-26 weeks (my due date was questionable), I woke up so swollen that I fell down when the swelling prevented my feet from bending enough to stand flat. Four days later, I’m in the hospital about to go back for my urgent cesarean. I had a huge team of doctors at the foot of my bed explaining the risks of the surgery, the risks to my unborn son, and the risks of ever getting pregnant again. After being told that my son only had a 50/50 chance of survival and, if he survived, he would have a 50/50 chance of having brain went fuzzy. I do, however, remember hearing them tell me that, because of the fact that I had gotten pre-e again–more severe and at an earlier gestation, another pregnancy had a high risk of being even worse..potentially fatal for me and the unborn. They all nodded in agreement at the suggestion of permanent birth control. Because of my blood pressure, staying in longer than necessary in order to tie my tubes was another risk. Hubby agreed to getting a vasectomy, instead.

About 6 months later, we are discussing the vasectomy and Hubby starts backing out. When researching the risks of a vasectomy compared to the risks of tubal ligation, he managed to find a website dedicated to reasons why men should NEVER have a vasectomy. I’m fairly sure he found it on Google search pg 1,247, because everything I found on the first several pages stated that the vasectomy was far, far easier and less risky. After my family, his family, and I continued to urge him to do it, he was finally convinced.

The whole procedure lasted about 10 minutes. I was so grateful that I had a husband who was willing to give up 10 minutes of his life, take on a minimal risk, and live with a tiny scar on the underside of his scrotum..just to prevent any chance of me getting pregnant and, you know, dying.

Now, lets review:

  • Pregnancy and childbirth almost killed me–twice
  • The pre-e also nearly caused the death of our son
  • The pain was the worst I have ever felt, worse than the broken back and hole ripped in my stomach–which I have also experienced
  • I had one child vaginally with no help from an epidural
  • I had one child via major abdominal surgery
  • Future pregnancy will likely kill the unborn and, possibly, me
  • Hubby had an easy, low risk procedure as a method of birth control for us

So, last night, we get on the subject of birth control and vasectomies. Hubby suddenly declares that no man should ever have a vasectomy. Um, WHAT? He goes on to explain that, when we do that thing that used to lead to babies, it HURTS. Bad. This is really confusing news to me. Why does he always WANT to inflict pain on himself, then? Anyway, because of this pain he so often feels, if he could go back, he would have never gotten it done. In comes the outraged Undermedicated Housewife with a response:

You know what else hurts, asshole?!?! DYING!!

I really wasn’t fair, to be honest. I have no idea what dying actually feels like. He suffers from real pain and I should have been more considerate.

To express my regret for acting so psycho over his innocent statement, I wrote him a letter:

Dear Hubby,

I am sorry I freaked out on you last night. You expressed that certain activities caused you pain and I was cold about it. I was selfishly only thinking of myself, the trauma pregnancy causes, and that pesky death risk. Judging by the level of pain you said you feel and the frequency of your requests to inflict such pain upon yourself, you must really love me. Clearly, you are only encouraging these activities for my benefit. That makes me feel really awful. Since you made such a huge sacrifice for me, I am going to do the same for you. I will make it my priority to ENSURE that you never feel that pain again. I just can’t handle having that guilt on my conscious…or vagina.

Love Always,
Your Concerned Wife


23 Responses to “Love Always, Your Concerned Wife”

  1. stopdomesticviolencenow February 28, 2012 at 9:31 pm #

    Laughing laughing – you must protect the husband from himself.

  2. femmefrugality February 28, 2012 at 9:38 pm #

    Haha. Maybe he does have legitimate pain, but I doubt he even knows what pain is compared to what you’ve been through.

    • Undomesticated Housewife February 28, 2012 at 8:03 pm #

      He has no clue! Even though I have had 2 spinal surgeries, he complains about his back more than I do. Men are babies! Lol

  3. adamsdaughter February 28, 2012 at 5:18 pm #

    F’ing hilarious! 🙂

  4. Six Girls and a Boy February 28, 2012 at 7:52 pm #

    I love the letter! I think you are a Awesome wife for making this sacrifice for him!!! 🙂

  5. housewifedownunder February 28, 2012 at 7:56 pm #

    Men can be such babies sometimes. I dated a guy for 7 years who always went on and on about how NEVER wanted ANY babies and that if I got pregnant, he’d really have to insist on an abortion. For 7 years I suggested he get a vasectomy if he felt that way. After all, I was already on birth control and doing my part to prevent any pregnancies, so I didn’t see why he couldn’t take some responsibility in helping to prevent his genes from being passed on. By the time I broke up with him, he still hadn’t gotten a vasectomy. As I understand it, it’s one of the simplest surgical procedures out there, so I don’t know why men make such a big deal about it.

    • Undomesticated Housewife February 28, 2012 at 8:07 pm #

      I have no idea. We are supposed to birth babies and worry about birth control while they have all the fun. I think not!

  6. mommybabyspot February 28, 2012 at 8:30 pm #

    HA!! Love it…glad you’re thinking of him too, that’s very thoughtful of you 😛 Let us know how long it takes for him to back track on this one 😉

    • Undomesticated Housewife February 28, 2012 at 8:32 pm #

      I’m going to give it 48 hrs, max! I’d say less than that, but you know…we’re married. LOL!

  7. Sixty Second Parent (@60secondparent) February 28, 2012 at 8:54 pm #

    Hilarious – I needed a laugh – thank you

    • Undomesticated Housewife March 3, 2012 at 2:14 am #

      Thank you for reading! I’m glad I could make you laugh when you needed it! My hubby hasn’t been laughing lately…haha!

  8. Brooke February 28, 2012 at 10:38 pm #

    Ok so tell jd to get it together! I was there the night you had that sweet girl, and your swollen face, I was so happy and scared for you. You were so sick. Also, tell jd my husband had a vas. and I am not under the impression he suffers from any side effects or pain. Tell him he is being a whiny baby and get over it!! And mad props to you and your passive aggressive note, LOVE IT!!

    • Undomesticated Housewife February 29, 2012 at 10:41 am #

      Thanks, Brooke! I forgot that you were there! Honestly, I don’t remember hardly anyone being there. I was so out of it.. doped up and everything! I will tell him what you said lol! By the way, we are moving back soon, so maybe we will see you guys sometime!

  9. Sharon Moms Madhouse (@crazykids6) February 28, 2012 at 11:53 pm #

    I understand your situation, I really do…but as a very devout Catholic, I think he does have a point.

    NFP is safe, no one goes under the knife, and no one has pain. Anything that causes pain in order to prevent the opportunity for life is…well…subject…

    From a strictly religious view point, we try to trust God with our bodies and who lives or dies more than we trust ourselves.

    From a human being stand point, your post made me laugh.

    I hope for the best for you.

    • Undomesticated Housewife February 29, 2012 at 12:25 am #

      Unfortunately for me, not going under the knife for us would not prevent one life, but possibly end two lives. My opinion is that God gave the doctors the knowledge that pregnancy is deadly for me. I allowed medical intervention to save my son’s life. The way I see it, we also used medical intervention to save my life. My cycle probably isn’t normal enough for NFP, either. TMI!!! Before birth control, I bled twice a month. I never had the ovulation predicting EWCM! I still use the mirena just for that benefit.
      My husband doesn’t disagree with birth control.. he doesn’t disagree with surgery as birth control. He just disagrees with men having to partake in birth control. LOL

  10. Jennifer W February 29, 2012 at 8:51 pm #

    I am sorry for what you have been through, but today I really needed something to laugh at. I have a friend whose husband said he would get his done and his brother picked him up from the procedure. She pampered him for over a week because of the pain he was in, 11 months later she had a beautiful girl and he confessed he never went to the doctor.

  11. When the Kids Go To Bed March 1, 2012 at 9:20 am #

    Someone is going to be back-pedaling and thinking twice before he speaks next time. It’s a 10 minute procedure and a bag of frozen peas….OH the sacrafice!

    • Undomesticated Housewife March 1, 2012 at 11:35 am #

      Oh, back-peddling has already begun!! Now, it “just sort of makes it feel like he has to pee a little” and he only said that it hurt bad because we were arguing. No, we were arguing because he said it hurt bad! GAH! Men..

  12. idreaminvintage April 4, 2012 at 1:26 pm #

    i almost peed all over my desk chair reading this! i love it! right after i just had our daughter my husband went to go get his ears pierced w/ a gauged needle (i have gauged piercing in much more painful places and he had just gotten d/c’d from the army so this was his rebellion i guess). so he gets the first one done and it about takes him down; sweating and juice drinking ensue and we had to wait a significant amount of time before they could continue w/ the next ear. i, of course, had no choice but to make fun of him…it was my duty to do so, to which he responds, “you try getting a big needle pierced thru your skin and having to do it again for the other ear…” are you f’ing kidding me!?!?!? i told him that i had just had my lady flower pierced w/ a 13 cm needle and then the needle wanted to defile and chew off my nipples! he is also scared of scary movies and won’t go in scary basements by himself…yet he had no problem going into combat and risking his life while in the army…men really don’t make sense!

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