Winning At Discipline!

20 Feb

“Some’uh y’all done lost y’all minds,
Some’uh y’all done lost y’all minds,
Some’uh y’all done lost y’all minds,
And it made me cry, cry, cry.”
-Kilo Ali

Kilo wrote this chorus with me and my future children in mind. He was specifically thinking of how this past week would be for us, I’m fairly certain.

Lately, Sugar has been very, how do I put it?..DESTRUCTIVE. Sugar and The Samurai have both been destructive, really. It has gone way past the typical shredding of anything shreddable and disassembling anything with multiple parts. I have cleaned up insane amounts water, paint, whiteout, sugar (of the edible variety), salt, and toothpaste out of the children’s bathroom floor. I have scrubbed toothpaste out of rugs. I have cleaned cereal out of my living room floor. I cleaned glitter glue off of my hardwoods.

Not my kids.

I can’t let my 5 year old go potty alone anymore, nor can I go to bed at night without waking to some sort of unnatural disaster having occurred in one room or another. They either do it instead of pottying, pretend to be sleeping and do it once I’ve fallen asleep, or they wake up ridiculously early and do it before I realize they are up. I am just going to start including my Klonopin in my morning cocktail of drugs I take to function.

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I am already taking it damn near daily anyway! (Chill out, I have a script) Hell, I took a piece of one half-way through a grocery store run tonight–just to stop myself from parking the buggy containing the kids down an empty aisle..and running. Fast.

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I have tried every form of discipline known to man, short of stringing them in a tree by their toenails. That’s next.

I’ve gone the gentle route..talking. I think I’m doing it wrong. They smile at me the entire me I’m speaking. When I ask why they did whatever it was, they laugh and say something like, “Because my brain is a silly brain and it told me to!” Sometimes, they just say, “POOP!” /sigh

I’ve tried time-out. It isn’t effective for one of two possible reasons: 1.) They don’t care; or 2.) I have ADHD and forget they are in time out 30 seconds after I put them there. It’s probably both.

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I’ve tried “grounding” them from certain things. They haz no caring.

I’ve even done the unspeakable…I spanked. When your kids giggle while you are spanking them, you are doing it wrong. I am doing it wrong.

I give up.

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8 Responses to “Winning At Discipline!”

  1. queenofthecouch February 21, 2012 at 6:39 am #

    The five year old should have a job by now! You’re such a helicopter parent!

    • undomesticatedhousewife February 21, 2012 at 6:47 am #

      I know! I’m so ashamed! I can’t believe I still PROVIDE for them! I’m an enabler. #parentfail

  2. Six Girls and a Boy February 21, 2012 at 5:52 pm #

    Discipline is the hardest thing to figure out as a parent. What works for one, doesen’t work for the other. I have a 20, 18, and 10 yr. old, and I have found you have to discipline each differently, expecially now that they are older. Good luck, I’m sure it will get easier!! It all makes for good blogs! 🙂

  3. lashumway February 22, 2012 at 12:58 am #

    The pills are good. Other than that, once they hit 18 & move out you’re set. That’s the only thing that helped with my oldest. Luckily the boys are much, much easier to live with.

  4. andy1076 February 22, 2012 at 3:53 am #

    Oh boy, I wouldn’t know what to do with the first picture 😀

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Anxious 5 Year Old: Boo-Boos You Can’t Kiss « Undomesticated Housewife - February 29, 2012

    […] last night. Disciplining her has been a challenge.. one I have not been capable of conquering (see Winning At Discipline!). I am at a loss, especially considering I am battling a bad case of anxiety, as well. I am on […]

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